Anywhere and Everywhere
by kesdax
Summary: Nyssa questions the Doctor on why he left Tegan behind.


**Title: **Anywhere and Everywhere  
**Author: **Kesdax  
**Fandom:** Doctor Who  
**Characters:** Fifth Doctor, Nyssa (slight Five/Nyssa)  
**Rating:** G  
**Disclaimer:** They belong to the BBC.  
**Spoilers:** _Earthshock, Time-flight_  
**Notes:** Takes place immediately after _Time-Flight. _This isn't exactly the sexy, fun times fic I wanted to write about Five's era, but so many things got left unsaid on the show that I had to write this.

**Summary**: Nyssa questions the Doctor on why he left Tegan behind.

* * *

"Doctor?" asked Nyssa hesitantly.

"Hmm?" The Doctor's focus never left the console, giving Nyssa the distinct impression he knew what she had on her mind and was trying desperately to avoid it.

"What about Tegan?"

"What about her?" said the Doctor, moving round Nyssa to realign the temporal buffers.

"You just left her there."

"Well, she wanted to go home, didn't she?" said the Doctor reasonably.

"Actually, I'm not so sure about that," said Nyssa quietly.

The Doctor stilled at the console, his eyes glancing up at her briefly, not quite meeting her own. "What do you mean?" he asked.

"I mean," began Nyssa carefully, as though she was explaining a very complicated technical theorem to someone who lacked the knowledge of rudimentary scientific concepts. "I don't think Tegan quite wanted to go home anymore."

"But she was always moaning about getting back," said the Doctor, frowning, returning his attention back to the controls. Nyssa could tell he was avoiding things, watched as he re-inputted co-ordinates that he had already adjusted just so that he didn't have to look at her.

"Yes, well. That was before Adric..." Nyssa cut herself off, Adric's name coming out chokingly, as she struggled to fight back emotions that had been warring within her for some time.

"Ah. I see."

"Do you?" asked Nyssa with uncharacteristic aggression.

"Nyssa, I feel Adric's loss just as much as you," said the Doctor, not without emotion.

"I'm not implying that you don't, but I know what you're trying to do and it won't work."

"Do you indeed?" said the Doctor tersely and began fiddling with the controls again. Perhaps it was easier for him to feign anger at her than to confront things head on.

"You feel guilty about Adric, you feel responsible-"

"Nyssa, please," said the Doctor forcefully, his voice tinged with pain.

"Doctor, you can't just leave us behind because you think that will keep us safe. It's not fair."

"Fair?" repeated the Doctor. He stopped pretending to fiddle with the console and looked directly at her now. "Fair? What part of any of your time with me was fair?" The Doctor's voice was angry now, but it wasn't directed at Nyssa, it was anger at himself. She could hear the self-loathing and guilt in his voice. "The Master killed your father, destroyed your world. Do you think that was fair?" asked the Doctor viciously.

"No," said Nyssa, fighting back tears.

"Tegan's aunt. Adric's brother. The countless deaths following in my wake, do you think any of that was fair?" The Doctor had moved around the console now, so close to Nyssa that she could see the fear and pain on his face as clear as day, the lines darkening his eyes, betraying his true age. So much wisdom and pain, Nyssa often forgot that the Doctor was not as young as he appeared. She was close enough to touch him, offer him a friendly caress of comfort, but she dared not.

"Doctor, none of that was your fault, _you _didn't kill anyone."

"I may as well have," said the Doctor dejectedly as he pressed the button that commenced materialisation. They stood in silence, watching the time rotor move up and down until it finally stopped and the Tardis landed with a thud.

"Where are we?" asked Nyssa, unable to stop herself from crying freely now.

"Somewhere where your Traken skills will be put to good use," said the Doctor.

"And what of I don't want to leave? Where's _my_ choice in all of this?"

"Adric had a choice and look what happened to him." The Doctor's tone was final and distant, and he avoided her pleading gaze as he moved around the console, his hand reaching out for the door lever. Nyssa grabbed at it first, stopping him from opening the door and sending her out into a future filled with uncertainty.

"It was Adric's choice, yes," she agreed. "Adric's choice to join you on the Tardis. Adric's choice to stay on that freighter and try and stop it from crashing into earth. His choice, Doctor. His own devastating choice," whispered Nyssa, a sob cracking her voice.

"Oh, Nyssa," said the Doctor hoarsely. He brushed away her tears with his thumb, even though they still continued to flow. "Can't you see that's why I want you to leave? Now, while you still can."

"You still don't understand, do you, Doctor?" said Nyssa angrily pushing away from him. "The Tardis is my home now. _You_ are my family. I can't just leave. Not yet."

"Nyssa..." said the Doctor, for once in his lives at a loss for words. "I don't know if I could stand it if something happened to you," he said quietly, for the first time voicing his fear out loud. He looked incredibly vulnerable, standing there, Nyssa thought, his eyes brimming with moisture and his fists clenched tightly in his pockets as he fought for control.

"I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself, Doctor."

"Oh, I'm sure you are," said the Doctor, the smile he shot her both sad and proud at the same time. Nyssa smiled back and moved tentatively closer to the Doctor. He, also, seemed uncertain, but then snapped out of it and enveloped her in a tight hug, his chin resting on the top of her head. They stayed like that for some time before Nyssa found the courage to ask him the question that was on both their minds.

"So, does this mean you're not kicking me out?" she said playfully, her voice lighter than she thought it was capable of. She could feel the Time Lord's grin radiate through her whole body, as he squeezed her more firmly, as if to reassure himself that she was still there.

"Not unless you want to leave, no," said the Doctor, finally pulling away slightly. Nyssa felt a pang of loss. It had felt like they had been holding each other forever.

"I don't want to go. I want to stay. With you."

"Forever?" asked the Doctor.

"Nothing lasts forever," said Nyssa, thinking of her father and Traken. And of Adric. Poor, poor Adric.

"No," agreed the Doctor sadly, "but for the mean time, it looks like it's just you and me."

His smile was infectious and Nyssa smiled back. She leaned in close, kissed the Doctor on his cheek, surprising them both, and hit the dematerialisation button before he could stop her.

"Where are we going?" asked the Doctor.

"Anywhere but here," replied Nyssa firmly, watching the time rotor move with an odd sense of relief. Their destination was unknown, her future undecided, but the thought of the Doctor by her side through it all was enough to chase the shadows away.

"Anywhere and everywhere!" said the Doctor, with that infectious, youthful grin. "Now there's a good idea."


End file.
